Sunday, September 2, 2012

30 Days of Dominance ~ Day 2

Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

The qualities I look for in all people/partners/subs are basically the same: trustworthy, honest, ability to communicate openly, intelligent, minimal drama, productive member of society, creative, independent, positive outlook on most things, helpful, organized, funny, and not batshit insane.

I’m not Dominant in my marriage at all ~ Werewolf and I don’t have a power exchange, we are very much 50/50 partners in everything.

I tend to be Dominant in most areas of my everyday life such as work, vanilla relationships, etc, so I don’t think it is a scene specific part of my personality. I am a planner and often take charge of situations when there is the need for a leader.

With the exception of Werewolf, I would say I am Dominant with all my partners. There’s some type of power exchange with everyone in my circle, even though there aren’t necessarily labels with most of them.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

30 Days of Dominance ~ Day 1

Does your Dominance ~ either what you practice or what you strive for ~ have a label? Do you view your preferred Dominance style as Taken in Hand, Domestic Discipline, Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I will start by saying that I had never heard of Taken in Hand or Domestic Discipline. Google quickly informed me that these are certainly NOT the type of dynamics that I have now, or ever want to have.

Of the terms listed, I feel most comfortable and confident with the label Dominant/submissive, although what I have with my boy is probably more accurately described as Sadist/masochist. There is a natural D/s dynamic between us that I haven’t had to work hard at developing or maintaining. he really needed little to no training at all in that area. The Sadist/masochist part of our relationship is what pleases me most, currently. As a female, it’s not always the easiest thing to admit that inflicting pain is a turn on. In civilized vanilla society, intentionally inflicting pain on another human is almost always unacceptable. Even more so for the ‘gentler’ of the species, or so we are taught from a young age. Having a partner that not only understands my need to physically accost him, but actually WANTS and ENCOURAGES that behavior is incredibly liberating. With a willing masochist, I feel my mask slips away and I am able to be more of who I really am.

I have Top/bottom dynamics with the rest of my play partners as there is little to no D/s involved. I feel when the dynamic is scene specific, Top/bottom is the best definition.

I consider Master/slave the equivalent of marriage in the BDSM world. I have never collared someone, as I feel that is the equivalent of a wedding ring. (I gave my boy a collar for our six month anniversary, but it was not with the intent of having him collared. It was a big step for me and a huge display of my trust in him, but it did not shift our dynamic to Owner/property or Master/slave.) These things are not out of the question in the future, but I’m nowhere near that level with anyone at this point. I tend to over intellectualize everything, so if/when I ever get to the point of Master/slave with someone it will most certainly be a life long commitment, just as my current marriage is.

So there’s day 1 down. Let’s see if I can actually do this every day for the month of Sept :)